Isn't it funny, how much winning a gamble can feel like the loss of something rare and valuable? Defeat is a look he isn't and will never be prepared to see on Di Feisheng, and certainly hasn't sought to be the cause of in quite a while now. He feels a little sick with it, to be honest, the tension and release of it all going to his head not unlike the swell of Bicha poisoning. Fainting would probably be preferable to this, but no one here is granted that kind of mercy.

Could it be that this isn't what's actually happening? Isn't it possible that Di Feisheng is fooling him, letting him win, out of... something, pity, leniency, retribution-- But no, that's absurd. Regrettably he knows Di Feisheng too well to believe his own boldfaced nonsense. This man would never do anyone the kindness nor the disservice of letting them win and there is no way out of this but forward.

So the loss is there, on Li Lianhua's conscience as it is on Di Feisheng's face. He's borne witness to a lot of grieving and is so tired of it now, but he'll just have to shoulder it one more time. If this is what it takes to get Di Feisheng started on the process, the process of accepting that there are parts of him that are irretrievably gone... That would be worth this momentary ache.

Li Lianhua exhales, a far too soft ah that must be followed up with a more emphatic, but still gentle scolding. "Listen to yourself. Did you forget? I already told you, I'm most afraid of favors being returned." He lifts his hand in a half-hearted gesture of refusal, like he's sending away a dish he didn't order. But the smile that creeps onto his face is more genuine as he looks up at his friend, and the pleading in his eyes could not be more real. "Let's not owe each other anything, alright?"