[ Astarion isn't accustomed to this - to baring himself, to opening himself up to people to dissect and understand, to sharing his innermost thoughts beyond catty remarks and quick wit. Halsin has always been the type to draw that out of people, and Astarion can feel the bitterness rise up inside of him like bile: he does not want this kind of confession, not right now.
He doesn't want to dwell on Cazador, on missing Karlach, on the years of torment and torture, of being left behind, of his scarring, the danger of it all - he does not want to bend the knee and confess. Those are his own pains to bear, and he doesn't have the gut to speak it aloud. Not when he still fears the laughter, the shame of it, the wonder if he had done something to deserve it.
He doesn't remember enough to think otherwise. ]
Oh, it often does, but I'll sort it out. I just need a good glass of wine and a distraction or two.
no subject
He doesn't want to dwell on Cazador, on missing Karlach, on the years of torment and torture, of being left behind, of his scarring, the danger of it all - he does not want to bend the knee and confess. Those are his own pains to bear, and he doesn't have the gut to speak it aloud. Not when he still fears the laughter, the shame of it, the wonder if he had done something to deserve it.
He doesn't remember enough to think otherwise. ]
Oh, it often does, but I'll sort it out. I just need a good glass of wine and a distraction or two.