[ Astarion hasn't confronted the problems of actually going through with the ritual yet; he is still far too caught up in the promise of it, the hope that he might be able to cling to some kind of power, that he will be free. Losing himself doesn't matter when he doesn't feel as though he exists to begin with, feeling sick and heavy with his own discomfort and irritation. He wants freedom, and does it matter the cost if he'll be happy after it's all done?

It's one of the reasons why he doesn't want to talk about it with people like Halsin and Karlach is they'd try to talk him out of it, and he needs it far too much. The idea of going back to the dark, being alone... He doesn't want to think about it.

Humming softly, Astarion closes his eyes. The touch is... Soothing. Calming. A part of him rebels. ]

She'd burn the entire place down if she thought either of us were in danger.

[ If he was feeling a little more catty, he'd call it pathetic. ]

It must have been Vaeros. He is playing games.